Columbia University Students Reject A Two-Campus Solution. By the Babylon Bee.

Students continued to gather in large groups and chant threatening anti-Israel phrases as school leaders and other experts searched for potential ways to solve the crisis. A representative of the university’s “Gaza Solidarity Encampment” said there would be no peaceful two-campus solution agreement. …

Witnesses said small skirmishes continued to erupt between the sides. “Over 200 bottle rockets were fired from the Gaza encampment over to the other side last night,” said one source. “Reports indicate the perpetrators of the attacks were hiding behind smaller, more innocent students.”

At publishing time, U2 frontman Bono was reportedly planning to visit the campus in an effort to broker a lasting peace.