Press Secretary Jen Psaki lauded the Biden administration for not abandoning a record 331 million Americans in Afghanistan.
According to sources, an unprecedented 331,128,473 Americans are living safely in America and are not abandoned in Afghanistan. This number is 91,543 higher than last week’s number, as approximately 91,543 babies were born in America this week.
“What the President has accomplished is simply unparalleled,” said Psaki, wiping a tear from her eye. “It’s like the Berlin airlift and Dunkirk had a beautiful love child, and that was this evacuation. We think we got about 96% of Americans out, which is A+ homework material, and on top of it all, we turned our homework in early. Boom. Eat that, Peter Doocy.”
While the administration did acknowledge that around 250 Americans were stranded in Afghanistan, they are pretty sure 248 of them are Republican. It is believed that tens of thousands of green card holders and Afghan allies are also trapped, but the administration anticipates that will get lost pretty quickly in the news cycle.
Elsewhere on the Internet, there is a new Russian verb: “psaknut’” (“to Psaki” or “Psakiing”), which means roughly “to say something stupid with an air of cleverness.”
“Psaki” has become a stigmatizing catch-all term for everything Russians dislike about US foreign policy (especially America’s involvement in Ukraine). And Russians’ Psaki-mania is still growing. On June 2, the pro-Kremlin website Odnako published a blog post titled, “Brave New World, or the Psaki Problem,” where the author quoted Futurist poet Mayakovsky to assert that Jen Psaki, the “archetypical fool,” is the culmination of a problematic Western view of the world….
On the Russian Internet, Psaki’s public persona has taken on a life of its own. Not content with the things Psaki has actually said, some bloggers have scripted fictional statements, imaging how the State Department’s spokesperson might respond to certain news.
Jen Psaki is the epitome of woke arrogance, condescension, and mendacity.