Ignorant Republicans Riot And Don’t Even Get Any Big-Screen TVs. By the Babylon Bee.

Ignorant Republicans rioted yesterday but didn’t even snag any free big-screen TVs out of the deal, sources at the Capitol Building reported.

The short-sighted protesters stormed the Capitol without stealing a bunch of stuff, prompting many to question whether they really understand the purpose of a peaceful protest at all. …

No footage emerged of the Capitol occupiers lighting cop cars on fire or throwing bricks through restaurant windows, causing the protesters to lose support from people of all political persuasions.

“One thing is clear,” said one political analyst. “These people obviously don’t know the sweet, sweet justice of lugging a 60-inch TV back to your apartment to show how much you care about your cause.”