Muhammad Resigns as Prophet Amid Sexual Assault Allegations: The #MeToo collective claims the scalp of yet another progressive icon

Muhammad Resigns as Prophet Amid Sexual Assault Allegations: The #MeToo collective claims the scalp of yet another progressive icon. By The People Cube.

On the heels of this week’s resignation of Karl Marx as leading figure in the communist movement due to allegations of sexual misconduct, the triggered social justice organizers of the #MeToo collective have claimed the scalp of another progressive icon.

At a press conference, supported by her family and lawyers, a woman named Aisha claimed that she was taken as a bride by Mr. Muhammad when she was nine years old. When asked why it took so long for her to come out, she stated that she feared nobody would believe her since the testimony of a woman is not worth a lot in her social circle. The crying woman also confessed that Mr. Muhammad used to beat her when she displeased him, and she feared physical retribution.

Mr. Beelzebub, the lawyer representing the accused prophet, denied the gravity of the accusations, saying that “everyone was doing it at the time,” and that his client “did not remember the situation in quite the same way.”¬† …

Who knew what when?

Worldwide, Muslims are now discovering further evidence of Mr. Muhammad’s past misdeeds in the Islamic holy texts, which has remained overlooked for 14 centuries, despite having been reproduced in millions of copies, written or printed in black ink on white paper.

“If only I had known!” cried King Salman of Saudi Arabia, who spoke on behalf of the world’s majority of Muslims. “Now that I’m reading the Quran more thoroughly, I’m suddenly finding all kinds of sexual misconduct and other improper behavior. All this talk about killing apostates, terrorism, and torture. Who could have guessed? He seemed like such a nice gentleman.” …

Peace breaks out:

The website The Religion of Peace, known to keep track of jihad terror worldwide, has acknowledged a complete lack of new material since Mr. Muhammad’s resignation and announced that it will probably have to shut down. “The world seems to have suddenly become a less violent and a much safer place,” their editorial stated, asking readers to contact them if they find a reasonable explanation for this phenomenon.

Manufacturers of real news, CNN and BBC, were quick to point out that this newfound tranquility should not make us jump to conclusions, stressing that “world peace has nothing to do with the disappearance of Islam, and saying otherwise makes one a bigoted racist or maybe even a Trump supporter.”

The left makes no attempt to be consistent, only to be tribal.

hat-tip Stephen Neil